I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
