I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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