I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
