The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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