Cold hands, warm shart.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
