so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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