I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
