69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
pop tarts are not kleenex
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Semen is not good for contacts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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