How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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