Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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