ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
