Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize