Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
