i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
