Got a toothbrush?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize