meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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