Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
