So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
