i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
