Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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