I am puke
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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