I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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