fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
