There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize