I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
