Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
