"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
