you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
