Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
