every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
