i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
