literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
