Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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