U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
