I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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