I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize