I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
