Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
