I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
