all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
