Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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