Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
