He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
