I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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