We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
