i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
