Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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