Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
