I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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