Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
