i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
