So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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