Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
