he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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