I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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