Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
