I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
