you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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