Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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