I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize