think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
