It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize