well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
