even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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