Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
