Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
