he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
