Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
