He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
