I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
