I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
