Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
