New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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