I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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